Self sabotage doesn't exist

I was at war for 3 years.

Not with anyone or anything...

But with myself.

One part of me was:

• Addicted to cheap dopamine

• Obsessed with video games

• Lazy

But the other part of me wanted to:

• Make an impact

• Be the best version of myself

• Conquer the world

These two didn’t get along.

(As you could imagine)

There was only room for one.

And so, I was stuck in a cycle.

1. Lazy Tibor doing what he ‘’wants’’.
   Living life to its fullest, doing anything but being productive.

2. Cheap dopamine stops "hitting the same."
   The satisfaction fades, negative emotions build up.

3. Ambitious Tibor takes over
   I get rid of all cheap dopamine and go all in—being productive 24/7.

4. Getting complacent.
   Eventually, I get tired and feel like I "deserve" some rest.

5. One bad habit sneaks in.
   It snowballs, and soon all the bad habits return.

6. Lazy Tibor takes control again.

Repeat.

This went on for years.

I thought I was self-sabotaging.

But I wasn’t.

I finally got out of this cycle.

How?

By realizing that self-sabotage doesn’t exist.

Your mind is infinitely complex.

You aren’t just one version of yourself.

There’s your conscious identity...

(the person reading this)

But there are also many different unconscious forces pulling at you.

(different parts of your identity)

They all want what’s best for you...

But they don’t always agree.

Self-sabotage isn’t you fighting yourself.

It’s a part of you, shunned and ignored, kicking and screaming to get what it needs.

Your job is to listen.

To give each part what it needs...

While still making progress toward your goals.

So how do you do that?

I’ll tell you in 3 steps.

1) Find out what unconscious forces drive you

Pay very close attention to when you feel an emotion.

Every emotion is a signal.

A part of you is speaking.

Meditating helps a lot.

It teaches you to observe your thoughts and feelings.

To distance yourself from them.

With practice, you’ll notice emotions as they arise during the day.

Write them down.

At the end of the day, journal about it.

Ask yourself:

• What happened?

• What thoughts did I have?

• What emotions did I feel?

The more you practice, the clearer it becomes.

2) Identify the forces

Now that you’re aware of your emotions...

It’s time to name the different parts of yourself.

For example:

I take my mom or a friend out for lunch.

I pay for their food.

It feels great.

When I journal about it later...

I realize part of me values generosity.

I call it Generous Tibor.

Another example:

I hate my job.

I resent spending 8 hours a day doing things I don’t want to do.

A part of me craves freedom.

I call it Freedom Tibor.

You might not find all these parts at once.

That’s okay.

Make a project out of it.

3) Negotiate with them

Now that you know your different parts...

It’s time to negotiate with them.

Give them what they want.

But in a way that moves you closer to your goal.

For example:

Generous Tibor:

Instead of overspending on gifts...

I give advice for free on X.

This saves money for education and investments

While building my reputation and gaining experience.

Freedom Tibor:

Instead of wasting time on video games or Netflix,

I focus on autonomy.

Choosing work I enjoy.

Both know that working toward my goals will give them more of what they want:

• Generous Tibor will take my family and friends on vacations.

• Freedom Tibor will quit the 9-5 and spend time on meaningful activities.

Conclusion

Having laser focus towards your goals is important.

But when you feel resistance, don’t ignore it.

You can only fight your emotions for so long.

Instead...

Understand where your emotions come from.

Give them what they want.

But only in a way that keeps you moving forward.

Meditate and journal to distance yourself from your thoughts and feelings.

Don’t resist them.

Listen to them.

Much love,

Tibor